Chance!!!

Walking away and forgetting you
Choices I made which I cant undo
became too proud,stubborn and cold
You talked, reasoned and cajoled
I didn't listen, made up my mind
Everything you said was declined
You cried, you fought for Us
but, I believed it was bogus
So, I left,I ran away from you
Choices I made which I cant undo


Now years later, when I look back
My decisions, My deeds and setbacks
I don't regret it, but I ache
Because I  made a huge mistake.  
I was impulsive and selfish,
what I did was entirely foolish
I never explained,Why? to you
Choices I made which I cant undo




I didn't explain, I was afraid
that u will laugh at whatever being said
But, I regret,I didn't even try
I didn't give chance to you accept or deny
I played safe, saved my heart
I believed, its best to depart  
didn't take the risk, to ask and tell
thats why,now I live in the hell
I don't want you back
I just want a chance, to tell you
Choices I made which I cant undo

To each other

It was evident in your eyes
I saw, the moment,u left
The Regret....with each other


It was illusion,we created
I inferred,the moment, u left
The Love....for each other


It was tragic, we endured
I felt,the moment, u left
The Deceit....to each other
  

Quit?

                

                                                                Questions asked

                                                                Unanswered & left

                                                                Induced anxiety

                                                                Triggered Death wish in me.. 

                                                                             

So....

His words were emollient

For my battered heart

It was derelict

From people’s bogus love

And vulpine support

My plethora of trust for them

Made this pain inevitable

So I cried, So I cried

Yet, I couldn’t kiss life goodbye

Cause I believed in good things

And in my good deeds ,

So I waited, So I waited

For my angel to come

And to heal my pain

And give me a reason to smile

And to sustain…

As he entered in my life

He revived my heart

With his benevolence

And unconditional love

So I laughed, So I laughed

Again….

Narcolepsy

Anxiety creeps inside me

 my each bone melts

Something inside me burns

and emptiness welts

my vision blurs and

speech slurs

and I feel Paralyzed

I look for place to

crawl in and shut my thoughts

the world around me

It's too bright and irritates me a lot
Its difficult to breath
suffocation  sweeps through
and I feel Paralyzed   

Daylight strikes in 

yet my eyes want to shut

I want to stay alert

yet there is sleep in my gut

I resist dozing off

as numbness engulfs

and I feel Paralyzed   

 

I feel weary, pale and weak

and fall asleep at vague times

I am perceived as lazy 

   but I am sick and its not a crime  

I feel helpless

as I succumb to sleep

and I feel Void    

 Tanuja Pawar 

आस

      दु:ख आणि सुख माझे तुझ्यातच गुंतलेले
      दुष्काळ पडला की नदी शोधत राहते पाणी
      तुझ्या शरीराची सावली शोधते मे अनवाणी
      पावसाळ्यात रस्ता, भीक मागतो उन्हाचि 
      मन मागते माझे एक हाक प्रेमाची
      विराहाच्या वादळामध्ये सुख माझे हरवलेले
      गारव्यात सुर्या सुद्धा ओढतो शाल मेघांची
      रात्री अन् दिवसा सुद्धा,मे पाहते तुझ्या येण्याची
      ग्रीष्मात धरणीलाही, सावली मिळते झाडांची
      केव्हा येईल घटीका आपल्या मिलनाची
      वर्षानुवर्षे डोळे माझे वाटेवरच हरवलेले
      दु:ख आणि सुख माझे तुझ्यातच गुंतलेले 

Tanuja Pawar

Farewell....

Dedicated to someone I know....

 









I cried in the corner, sitting on an old battered bench.
I needed to vent out , my quondam quashed quench....
The tears came with sobs and my body trembled 
I leant against the tattered wall and his name I mumbled...
He just left the world, after fighting with his pain for years

I couldn't do anything yet I kept on holding my tears

and now, I couldn't hold back... the pain I felt within..

so I let out my emotions which were curbed in..

No...I don't want to give him farewell wrapped in tears

But I had to cry so I can survive in coming years
I knew, that he wanted to go...leave this dreadful life
Yet, he waited, for me to overcome my soul's strife...
and... yesterday he cried like a baby and asked me to let him go
I unleashed him from my nestle, I should have done it long ago...
It was not easy for me to ask him to go away....
without him, all alone how can I live a single day...
I gave him life, he is part of me
how can I tell him to go? yet he wanted to be free...
I looked into his eyes...they were so desperate to get some rest...
I realized, letting loose these ties.... is only for his best.
So I yielded to his wishes ....Let him go to sleep...
I came out...sat on the same battered bench...but I couldn't weep...
Now, I am crying away my anguish and let my cheeks drench
I needed to vent out , my quondam quashed quench....
Copyright "Tanuja Pawar"

Demise of separation

Dedicated to my wishful thinking....


In the middle of the night....
Beneath the starlit sky,
as she walks... looking at clouds passing by...
Her silk stole, is fluttering and her fragrance mingling in the space...
strands of hair drooping on her nape and she is walking with grace...
On the cliffs He is standing, waiting for her...
Looking at waves and listening to wind's soft murmur..
In one hand boom box and holding scarlet rose in other...
Like a rigid sculpture, standing still altogether..
As she reaches her destination and looks at him
His silhouette is beaming, and everything is grim..
She walks towards him...with quick strides
stressing to cease the distance, as them it divides
as soon as he smells her in the air and turns around
watching her pacing through ruff track..makes him spell bound
Insane urge in his heart, makes his heart sway...
promptly he walks to her, to meet her halfway
she looks at him, looking at her
in ruffled loose shirt and sea water droplets all over
wind is in his hair and smile on his face
his eyes are glinting with mischievous gaze.
he presents her the rose and holds her hand
and he puts on the music as he planned...
a tear trickles down from her eyes..
but her smiling lips are enchanting surprise
he takes her in his embrace...never to let her go..
they belong to each other...what if others say no...
she smiles into his eyes and he into her..
Just happiness ...from now..as they will live together
she clenches his hand and moves toward the peak...
he follows her silently..as there is no need to speak..
for a second they look at each other...as being on cloud nine..
knowing from tomorrow....everything will be fine.
Holding each other...they plunge into the heart of the ocean
and it takes them in... with simple harmonic motion...
the music goes on but there is hush all around
and on one rock ...a shattered rose is found....
mortals cry on earth but angels in the heaven smile
they lived for nothing...but died worthwhile...
YES!! now and forever..they will live with each other...
what if...life separated them but death wedded them together...

I gave You Love

To.....(Not my friend anymore)..and people who lie to me...

Sometimes, I wonder..what A big fool I am
That I gave you My love
But, then...I thought U were my friend...
u breached my trust, and broke my heart..
and because of you , my world , and I fell apart


I always thought, U cared for me..But I was wrong
I dont believe...How? I was in delusion for so long...
U were My friend...thats what u said
all those lies of u are still in my head..
But, now I hate Myself...that I trusted you
u were born manipulative and will die too..


I don't want to waste my words much
but I need to let go what I seems to clutch..
the anger.. hatred..for you
hating u makes me think of U
So..I want to be indifferent to you..
I want you out my mind
coz..this is the only way I find..
with my words... I forgive you...to forget you
but...I hope in futrue I will not see you..