Is Life is all about... just closing ur eyes when u don't want see something or everything ???
Many times in our lives we have to see and witness so many incidents where we experience helplessness, hatred, flare, sorrow, agony.... In such times, mostly we close our eyes and pretend that nothing unusual is happening around us.. But closing our eyes does not solves the problem... actually problem remains there and we AVOID it... why do we do that?? Coz we don’t care? or WE are not responsible? or we are Scared?? ........ yes May be that’s the answer.. we are scared........
It was Saturday... I was going home from Ghatkoper... I was late...Ghatkoper is little creepy when u are alone you feel more threatened.. its quite shabby and stuffy...near station the red light area is more dingy.. while walking u can see the prostitutes waiting for their customers, those shabby huts with that dark yellow coloured bulbs.. smell of cigarettes in the air, some bojhpuri songs and visual torture of bright colours and panipuri thelas.. so many confusing lanes and vehicles trying to cut the traffic.. a complete chaos... I looked at watch...9.15 ..shit I am late I thought.. called up my mom and I was talking with her.... and then I heard a big sound and scream.. and noise…. said bye to mom and turned back...I saw so many people were gathered just behind me....as I am curious person.. I went to see what happened... but before that, actually I guessed ""it was an accident"" as usual... I peeped in and I saw blood everywhere.. and for the first time in my whole day and I felt that much desired chilling silence which was unbearable right now ..... me and other onlookers were just looking... everybody was stunned and scared... vehicle was smashed by truck.. disfigured...and people were looking at the guy in that rick he was alive but his world was shattered.. I felt was able hear his little breathing or I was delusional ….. I don’t know....suddenly one guy came and removed him from the battered ric just as we remove anything from the box ..I looked at him and felt more sick , he was wearing shabby shirt and half pant. his mouth was red as if he was eating paan and he was very thin and black .his white hair were giving him haunted look….but his energy was tremendous
ahhh... the rickshawala was wrapped in blood coat... his face was half covered with bruises and dark blackish marks ... his arm was broken... that man in shabby shirt screamed... he tried to pull him up but it was not possible as his one leg was stuck... nobody was helping him and after 10 min he pulled him out.. some lady told somebody called for an ambulance.. the man in shabby shirt shouted that he needs big cloth to tie rickshawala's hand... he screamed again and suddenly I realized that ... nobody was there ....me two ladies and five guys... suddenly everybody disappeared…. specially that lady who was giving instruction for calling help before..... I was there without doing anything... and that other female besides me removed her dupatta and gave to him... I saw him looking at her after removing her dupatta and she smiled and I realized who she was…. she was wearing blue ghagra and golden choli, painted her lips with dark red lipstick, gajra in her hair, rainbow coloured bangels in hand, nails painted in pink colour... but that time for me and that man with broken arm, she was an Angel....and others who left were humans like me.....she looked at me and told "AE bai ja tu yhanse ye to roz ka hai.."... suddenly she made me realised that .... and the I felt sick and tired.. I turned back and closed my eyes for while and started walking...at one bend I looked back and saw that man and the bloodstained man was sitting.. There was no sign of ambulance...that female was smoking cigarette.. Some people were just giving a look at them and passing by..others were avoiding it...... and I left.. In the train I closed my eyes and diverted my thoughts to something else...Why?? WHY??... Till today when I go to Ghatkoper I can see them sitting on that same footpath for an ambulance.... I closed my eyes every time but they are there in my mind...till today..
Yesterday I went to Ghatkoper.. It was Saturday...
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
अस वाटत कधीतरी....
अस वाटत कधीतरी....
पावसाचे थेंब व्हावे
त्याच्या अंगावर पडून
त्याला चिंब करावे...
अस वाटत कधीतरी....
सूर्याचे किरण व्हावे
सकाळी सकाळी माझ्या स्पर्शानी
त्याला हळूच जागे करावे ....
अस वाटत कधीतरी....
वार्यात सामील व्हावे
आणि हळूच झुळकेबरोबर
त्याला जाऊन बिलगावे....
अस वाटत कधीतरी....
त्याच्याच रुमाल व्हावे
त्याच्याच हातानी त्याला स्पर्शून जावे....
पावसाचे थेंब व्हावे
त्याच्या अंगावर पडून
त्याला चिंब करावे...
अस वाटत कधीतरी....
सूर्याचे किरण व्हावे
सकाळी सकाळी माझ्या स्पर्शानी
त्याला हळूच जागे करावे ....
अस वाटत कधीतरी....
वार्यात सामील व्हावे
आणि हळूच झुळकेबरोबर
त्याला जाऊन बिलगावे....
अस वाटत कधीतरी....
त्याच्याच रुमाल व्हावे
त्याच्याच हातानी त्याला स्पर्शून जावे....
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Ganesha---The Omnipotent
U r the light that shines everyday
U r the breeze that makes everything sway...
U r the fragrance in the thousand flowers
U r the twinkle in the uncountable stars...
U r the timeless sky ,U r the endless ocean
U r the monsoon wind, which creates magical sensation...
U r the soul that takes birth on earth
U r the mind that makes our life worth...
U r the blood which flows in the vein
U r the thoughts which occupies the brain...
U r in kindness, U r in tolerance
U r in charity, which creates pinnacle of reverence...
U r the courage that makes soilders survive
U r the faith that keeps humanity alive...
U r the truth that gives justice to the seeker
U r the truth that gives justice to the seeker
U r the strength that gives hope to the weaker...
U r almighty, U r everywhere
U dwell in my heart and forever U will stay there...
U dwell in my heart and forever U will stay there...
Monday, May 26, 2008
Story that changed my life....
To all who think they are short tempered plz read the story
NAIL IN THE FENCE
Once there was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.
He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy not lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I' m sorry, the wound is still there. " A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us."
...............i used to be very aggressive, short-tempered, arrogant.... and people used always label all adjectives like those above... but they never told me ... what actually i am doing wrong and how it is affecting me and others.... and because of my attitude i lost so many people worth loving... i regret it now.... but once my Brother told this story and made me realise that anger can destroy love... and love so precious to loose... and i am thankful to Dada that he told me this story...
Today i want say sorry to each and every one...whom i have hurt in past... i know that wound cannot be healed so easily ...but my sincere sorry may take some pain away from it...
NAIL IN THE FENCE
Once there was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.
He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy not lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I' m sorry, the wound is still there. " A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us."
...............i used to be very aggressive, short-tempered, arrogant.... and people used always label all adjectives like those above... but they never told me ... what actually i am doing wrong and how it is affecting me and others.... and because of my attitude i lost so many people worth loving... i regret it now.... but once my Brother told this story and made me realise that anger can destroy love... and love so precious to loose... and i am thankful to Dada that he told me this story...
Today i want say sorry to each and every one...whom i have hurt in past... i know that wound cannot be healed so easily ...but my sincere sorry may take some pain away from it...
Monday, May 19, 2008
To My Dearest Friend...
It’s very rare The bond we share..
When I look in ur eyes I know u care
U know what makes me happy and what makes me sad
U know how to wipe my tears and make me glad
U can make me laugh when I want to cry
U love me so much I want to ask u why?
U can read my eyes when my lips don’t speak
U give me strength whenever I go weak
U show me the path whenever I am confuse
U push me forward when I tend to refuse
I always make mistakes and get into trouble
I know u will come and it will vanish like a bubble
I believe in you with all my heart
I know that u will never let us part
I find it hard to describe u my friend
I never get right words in the end
I know that you are so true
I am very lucky to have you
We feel so secure with each other
We are one when we are together
We had best times in bad days
We know how to have fun in mysterious ways
We will be friends till we die
We know its true not a lie
We know in us there is no I, I am in ur heart and you are in my
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Our Enemy---> My Enemy
My mind...its filled with the images of blasts....
blood is everywhere...and Masters of death must be celebrating or regretting somewhere...i don't know them but...i know what led to this..its our enemy again and its offspring's...Anger--Resentment--hostility--outrage---
--it leads to hatred---- and in the end desturction
Anger just emotion but when turns into agression ---its spoils--> beautiful emotions like love, care, sympathy, pity, warmth, bliss.....
I know it very well ....i am very aggressive...may be being type A personality leads me into it, don't know...
I can't control my emotions sometimes and specially when i am angry...most of the time i explode.. and then i regret..
I remember so many events form my past... when this one emotion destroyed me... they labeled me as aggressive...and i mentally punished myself somewhere and started suppressing my emotion and one day it exploded...it ruined me somewhere... trust me just like blasts...
Freud says that aggression stems from innate urges where others say it is influenced.. it can be learned or there is some cognitive interplay .....
From where it comes i don't know but i know it takes u to hell
It destroy u, ur relationships, ur surroundings, ur nation.. and what not
Somebody told me ones that when humans get angry they turn into beasts ..... i have seen it...
blood is everywhere...and Masters of death must be celebrating or regretting somewhere...i don't know them but...i know what led to this..its our enemy again and its offspring's...Anger--Resentment--hostility--outrage---
--it leads to hatred---- and in the end desturction
Anger just emotion but when turns into agression ---its spoils--> beautiful emotions like love, care, sympathy, pity, warmth, bliss.....
I know it very well ....i am very aggressive...may be being type A personality leads me into it, don't know...
I can't control my emotions sometimes and specially when i am angry...most of the time i explode.. and then i regret..
I remember so many events form my past... when this one emotion destroyed me... they labeled me as aggressive...and i mentally punished myself somewhere and started suppressing my emotion and one day it exploded...it ruined me somewhere... trust me just like blasts...
Freud says that aggression stems from innate urges where others say it is influenced.. it can be learned or there is some cognitive interplay .....
From where it comes i don't know but i know it takes u to hell
It destroy u, ur relationships, ur surroundings, ur nation.. and what not
Somebody told me ones that when humans get angry they turn into beasts ..... i have seen it...
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Twenty Something--> Relax
Happy Mothers Day……….
Its Sunday.. The most laziest day of my week, as I don’t work today, so I thought that let’s give some food to my and everybody’s brain…
Ya, I know its been days after my last post really.. I took long time to think about many issues which can help us to deal with "Quarter life crisis"…
I want take little positive approach towards it and want to give new label to old problem.. so , from now I will say "Being in one’s Twenties"…. What say?
Like how we say I am in my teens and its sounds very fundoo?
So, how to enjoy This Being in one’s twenties
One thing I have realized that I am not alone in this situation (you feel good when u have company, thanks folks joining the club ) there are million of people who are puzzled like me, they are confuse, uncertain, unsure, frustrated, feeling threatened by unknown and many synonyms of these feelings….
Everyday somebody is fighting with his loved one, breaking up relationship, quitting job, moving out from home, taking hasty decision of getting married or not, changing profession, going into depression, committing suicide, meeting accidents and n number of things…
I would love to ask myself as I am an emotional eater, that why everytime something goes wrong I start to abuse food.. What I am doing? hurting My body, My Soul and My Mind… actually I am wasting them, isn’t it?
I always knew that life is full of different puzzles and I have to figure out solution, So why I am hiding behind the bush? Why ??I wonder really…
So , people … I know that we have to do this multitasking in this phase of life, we have to deal with many problems and rediscover that happiness when we were kids…
I know that, right now we’re looking for the perfect career, making new friends, choosing a place to live, searching for the right partner, want a family, exploring the meaning of Religion, Values and beliefs, and questioning the meaning of it all, and the most important "What is Our purpose of life?"…
So, First thing first; understand " No one ever guaranteed us an easy life" , Nobody told that it will be like a party…
Actually, our parents and elders told us that life will get more and more complicated as we grow, So please if anyone has this illusion get it over with it…. Change your perspective… Don’t get stressed out because of this, use this stress positively.. Its Scientifically proven that proper amount of stress leads to better results.
So, people in twenty something;
Wake up its time to rock the work, you’re not going to sit and crib to life like a nagging wife, you have to be a seductress and conquer life
Because these days are going to define your life in coming years, this is the Foundation and people make it strong..
First step -->Relax your mind…coz healthy mind will lead to better life…
My First question to you all
Do you love yourself? Do you love your body, Mind and soul?
We love our parents, friends, relatives, pets, the boy next door, our teachers, somebody’s eyes, thoughts, acts many more things
What about you? What are the things you love about yourself? take out time and think about it.. Please at least think 10 things that u love about yourself… go stand in front of the mirror and look into your eyes and tell yourself those 10 thing u love about yourself .. and smile with all your heart and see how proud u feel and relaxed.. It worked for me I hope it works for you too..
Second thing what I found out that simple and small changes in your routine can help u to enjoy ur being in twenties, life has become so monotonous that sometimes I feel that I am a clock.
Like get up 10 min early or sleep 10 min more, take one day leave possible, clean ur desk or make it mess (if ur like me), take a different route to office (Don’t WALK to office know heat is killing), buy a new pen, change ur ring tone, see if u want to change u have to find u r way.. u have to find out what suites u..
Its Sunday.. The most laziest day of my week, as I don’t work today, so I thought that let’s give some food to my and everybody’s brain…
Ya, I know its been days after my last post really.. I took long time to think about many issues which can help us to deal with "Quarter life crisis"…
I want take little positive approach towards it and want to give new label to old problem.. so , from now I will say "Being in one’s Twenties"…. What say?
Like how we say I am in my teens and its sounds very fundoo?
So, how to enjoy This Being in one’s twenties
One thing I have realized that I am not alone in this situation (you feel good when u have company, thanks folks joining the club ) there are million of people who are puzzled like me, they are confuse, uncertain, unsure, frustrated, feeling threatened by unknown and many synonyms of these feelings….
Everyday somebody is fighting with his loved one, breaking up relationship, quitting job, moving out from home, taking hasty decision of getting married or not, changing profession, going into depression, committing suicide, meeting accidents and n number of things…
I would love to ask myself as I am an emotional eater, that why everytime something goes wrong I start to abuse food.. What I am doing? hurting My body, My Soul and My Mind… actually I am wasting them, isn’t it?
I always knew that life is full of different puzzles and I have to figure out solution, So why I am hiding behind the bush? Why ??I wonder really…
So , people … I know that we have to do this multitasking in this phase of life, we have to deal with many problems and rediscover that happiness when we were kids…
I know that, right now we’re looking for the perfect career, making new friends, choosing a place to live, searching for the right partner, want a family, exploring the meaning of Religion, Values and beliefs, and questioning the meaning of it all, and the most important "What is Our purpose of life?"…
So, First thing first; understand " No one ever guaranteed us an easy life" , Nobody told that it will be like a party…
Actually, our parents and elders told us that life will get more and more complicated as we grow, So please if anyone has this illusion get it over with it…. Change your perspective… Don’t get stressed out because of this, use this stress positively.. Its Scientifically proven that proper amount of stress leads to better results.
So, people in twenty something;
Wake up its time to rock the work, you’re not going to sit and crib to life like a nagging wife, you have to be a seductress and conquer life
Because these days are going to define your life in coming years, this is the Foundation and people make it strong..
First step -->Relax your mind…coz healthy mind will lead to better life…
My First question to you all
Do you love yourself? Do you love your body, Mind and soul?
We love our parents, friends, relatives, pets, the boy next door, our teachers, somebody’s eyes, thoughts, acts many more things
What about you? What are the things you love about yourself? take out time and think about it.. Please at least think 10 things that u love about yourself… go stand in front of the mirror and look into your eyes and tell yourself those 10 thing u love about yourself .. and smile with all your heart and see how proud u feel and relaxed.. It worked for me I hope it works for you too..
Second thing what I found out that simple and small changes in your routine can help u to enjoy ur being in twenties, life has become so monotonous that sometimes I feel that I am a clock.
Like get up 10 min early or sleep 10 min more, take one day leave possible, clean ur desk or make it mess (if ur like me), take a different route to office (Don’t WALK to office know heat is killing), buy a new pen, change ur ring tone, see if u want to change u have to find u r way.. u have to find out what suites u..
Monday, May 5, 2008
Qurarter life crisis
Hi everyone
Today like Archimedes I would like to scream from top of my heart and say "Eureka" "Eureka" "Eureka"
You must be thinking that I have gone "mad"
No!! Just like him today I discovered something;
What actually me and some of my friends are going through…
Today in the afternoon I was just shuffling through channels and I saw "Rajat kapoor " and I waited to take a good look at him (I REALLY LIKE HIM) It was his program on NDTV good times( I hope you know the channel.. other wise forget it)..
So he was talking about something called "Quarter life crisis"
I know its total neoteric term but once you will read about it u will thinking to change Ur lines; u will say I am going through
"Quarter life crisis" instead of saying I am frustrated
Now u must be very anxious to know abt it…
Let me ask u some questions? Answer them honestly?? U don’t have a choice ? ok
Are you between 21- 29yrs age group?
Are feeling "not good enough" because u can't find a job that is at your academic/intellectual level?
Are u frustrated with relationships, mostly at work?
Are u confuse with your identity?
Are u insecure about ur future ?
Are u confuse about goal of your life?
Are u always arguing with your parents these days?
Are u pressurize for getting married?
Are u looking for guys?
Are u Scared of commitment?
Are you not very happy with your job?
Are you missing your college friends?
Are you lonely?
Do u feel that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you?
If ur answer is mostly "Yes"… then ur also going through "Quarter life crisis"…
As I am also going through the same phase, I can tell you how I feel..
Every morning I get up and go to office but hardly excited about going (and its my 2nd job and 1st six months.. just imagine) . I know that it will be same as yesterday.. A sense of hopelessness, that something will change for good…
I feel so bad sometimes that for earning the qualifications i have, I have spent so much time and money but still they are not good enough for my job, it actually brings insecurity, uncertainty and what not..
My social life is nowhere coz all my friends are busy and may be doing something just like me.. Some of them got married and have kids now, and some are committed and others are like me "Single".. Sometimes I feel so lonely and scared, feel like life is just running away from me.. Sometimes I look at the mirror and scared to look at myself, I don’t want see me all alone.
Then there is always big talk about money and financial matters and savings, For me its more confusing than anything.. I don’t know how to save and invest and all that.. When everyone around me is doing very well really.
Everyday I reach home late, hardly I see my father as he works in shifts.. I am always in the verge of getting into argument over small things.. so keep quite as I don’t like arguments much.. but then either I drown myself in books or sleep…
I want to get married eventually but then "Mr. Right" is an illusion and I have certain goals to achieve before that, but I don’t mind falling in love now.. But let it be…
So , this what I was doing or I am doing .. this is my struggling period … and it will get over soon I hope so….
"If you are my type u would love some theoretical knowledge.. Other wise skip the para in quotes or read the following"
" In the view of Erik Erikson, certain psychosocial demands, or crises, confront the individual at distinct intervals throughout life. The young adult, for instance, is expected to enter into an institution--i.e., marriage and family--that will perpetuate the society. The degree to which the basic need for intimacy on all levels--physical, emotional, and others--is met in such a relationship determines in most individuals the conception of the self as belonging or as isolated. In middle adulthood the crisis develops between the sense of generativity and the sense of stagnation. In this stage the individual is expected to play the role of a contributing, generative member of society. Generativity can take the form of providing the goods and services by which society functions or of producing, rearing, and socializing future members of society. The inability to develop a productive self-conception results in a feeling of stagnation. In maturity, according to Erikson, a crisis arises with regard to the sense of ego integrity versus the sense of despair. In this stage, individuals realize that they are reaching the end of life. If they have successfully progressed through the previous stages of development, they can face old age with satisfaction in the feeling that a full and complete life has been led. Individuals for whom this integrity of life is lacking often feel a sense of despair over "wasted" opportunity"
So what exactly Erikson says that
In this period crisis in 3 areas of our life are:-
Career
Marriage + Relationships(Formal + Informal)
Dealing with external Forces(Parents, Society)
They are because of lack of clarity, confusion, too many options, peer pressure, too many success stories around us as people are becoming successful in small age, too many expectation from parents and self, too many goals and short time, money, social norms and many more.. Really à what these all things are leading to "Loss of self - esteem",
That means do you feel like a loser, no self worth …isn’t it?
If the answer is no then very good!!
So u have Ur weapons to deal with this crisis, if not then let’s see what we can do about it?
Today like Archimedes I would like to scream from top of my heart and say "Eureka" "Eureka" "Eureka"
You must be thinking that I have gone "mad"
No!! Just like him today I discovered something;
What actually me and some of my friends are going through…
Today in the afternoon I was just shuffling through channels and I saw "Rajat kapoor " and I waited to take a good look at him (I REALLY LIKE HIM) It was his program on NDTV good times( I hope you know the channel.. other wise forget it)..
So he was talking about something called "Quarter life crisis"
I know its total neoteric term but once you will read about it u will thinking to change Ur lines; u will say I am going through
"Quarter life crisis" instead of saying I am frustrated
Now u must be very anxious to know abt it…
Let me ask u some questions? Answer them honestly?? U don’t have a choice ? ok
Are you between 21- 29yrs age group?
Are feeling "not good enough" because u can't find a job that is at your academic/intellectual level?
Are u frustrated with relationships, mostly at work?
Are u confuse with your identity?
Are u insecure about ur future ?
Are u confuse about goal of your life?
Are u always arguing with your parents these days?
Are u pressurize for getting married?
Are u looking for guys?
Are u Scared of commitment?
Are you not very happy with your job?
Are you missing your college friends?
Are you lonely?
Do u feel that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you?
If ur answer is mostly "Yes"… then ur also going through "Quarter life crisis"…
As I am also going through the same phase, I can tell you how I feel..
Every morning I get up and go to office but hardly excited about going (and its my 2nd job and 1st six months.. just imagine) . I know that it will be same as yesterday.. A sense of hopelessness, that something will change for good…
I feel so bad sometimes that for earning the qualifications i have, I have spent so much time and money but still they are not good enough for my job, it actually brings insecurity, uncertainty and what not..
My social life is nowhere coz all my friends are busy and may be doing something just like me.. Some of them got married and have kids now, and some are committed and others are like me "Single".. Sometimes I feel so lonely and scared, feel like life is just running away from me.. Sometimes I look at the mirror and scared to look at myself, I don’t want see me all alone.
Then there is always big talk about money and financial matters and savings, For me its more confusing than anything.. I don’t know how to save and invest and all that.. When everyone around me is doing very well really.
Everyday I reach home late, hardly I see my father as he works in shifts.. I am always in the verge of getting into argument over small things.. so keep quite as I don’t like arguments much.. but then either I drown myself in books or sleep…
I want to get married eventually but then "Mr. Right" is an illusion and I have certain goals to achieve before that, but I don’t mind falling in love now.. But let it be…
So , this what I was doing or I am doing .. this is my struggling period … and it will get over soon I hope so….
"If you are my type u would love some theoretical knowledge.. Other wise skip the para in quotes or read the following"
" In the view of Erik Erikson, certain psychosocial demands, or crises, confront the individual at distinct intervals throughout life. The young adult, for instance, is expected to enter into an institution--i.e., marriage and family--that will perpetuate the society. The degree to which the basic need for intimacy on all levels--physical, emotional, and others--is met in such a relationship determines in most individuals the conception of the self as belonging or as isolated. In middle adulthood the crisis develops between the sense of generativity and the sense of stagnation. In this stage the individual is expected to play the role of a contributing, generative member of society. Generativity can take the form of providing the goods and services by which society functions or of producing, rearing, and socializing future members of society. The inability to develop a productive self-conception results in a feeling of stagnation. In maturity, according to Erikson, a crisis arises with regard to the sense of ego integrity versus the sense of despair. In this stage, individuals realize that they are reaching the end of life. If they have successfully progressed through the previous stages of development, they can face old age with satisfaction in the feeling that a full and complete life has been led. Individuals for whom this integrity of life is lacking often feel a sense of despair over "wasted" opportunity"
So what exactly Erikson says that
In this period crisis in 3 areas of our life are:-
Career
Marriage + Relationships(Formal + Informal)
Dealing with external Forces(Parents, Society)
They are because of lack of clarity, confusion, too many options, peer pressure, too many success stories around us as people are becoming successful in small age, too many expectation from parents and self, too many goals and short time, money, social norms and many more.. Really à what these all things are leading to "Loss of self - esteem",
That means do you feel like a loser, no self worth …isn’t it?
If the answer is no then very good!!
So u have Ur weapons to deal with this crisis, if not then let’s see what we can do about it?
Friday, May 2, 2008
Total Mess!!
I know this post of mine will be a total mess... what I am feeling right now, I don't even know... but I want resolve some questions which are coming to my mind.... our life revolves around our friends, family, work, hobbies and passions.... But our life is dependent on some people.... Rather I would say "one" person who makes us forget everything I mentioned above...sorry to disappoint you I am not talking about Boyfriend/ Girl friend...
Before I start, I want to quote Kahlil Gibran here "At that moment She became dearer than a friend and closer than a sister and more beloved than a sweetheart. She became a supreme thought, a beautiful, an overpowering emotion living in my spirit....
Of course I know he was talking about the women he loved... and I am not talking about love... but that doesn't change anything.. I believe his words.. They enlighten me always, that one person can become center of your life and you are not able to define the relationship with that person…
And what if that person with whom you feel so connected... do not Reciprocate.... what you will do?...what happens with you?... if it was not meant to be then why yours paths were crossed... why?? And if after sometime that person says "you are becoming too much dependent on me"…what you will say? No or Yes?? It’s a real dilemma What if the answer is Yes from your side… and on top of that u tell that person that u cannot live without that person…
Big Mistake!!!…I have learned that some people don’t like you being dependent on them.. it’ s true really…
Question arises "why we become dependent on others?"… Big question, isn’t it?
We are dependent on other people for meeting some of our needs.
Such as emotional, intellectual, social, financial and physical, these needs reminds me the famous Maslow’s need hierarchy, where he talks about basic needs like physiological, safety, love, affection, belongingness …
So we become dependent on others, due to Fear of loneliness or we hold on desperately to others to give our life meaning and direction, self worthlessness, inspiration, confusing ourselves between sympathy and love, support, nurturance, direction, lack of belief in oneself, fear making wrong direction in life…..
Once we become dependent on somebody, we tend to weave our lives according to that person, we do everything that person likes, don't do everything he/she dislikes. we tend to share every moment of life....with that person..
We don't realise that time, that actually we are intruding somebody elses personal life..as it is not two- way affair........but, Do we Stop Expecting From them ? Do we want this relationship unconditional? Do we only give and do not ask anything from them? What we do when they ignore us?
So ur love, affection, care, feelings, prayers, hopes, desires, dreams and every emotion which u show for that person becomes "Overdependance" for him/ her...
Before I start, I want to quote Kahlil Gibran here "At that moment She became dearer than a friend and closer than a sister and more beloved than a sweetheart. She became a supreme thought, a beautiful, an overpowering emotion living in my spirit....
Of course I know he was talking about the women he loved... and I am not talking about love... but that doesn't change anything.. I believe his words.. They enlighten me always, that one person can become center of your life and you are not able to define the relationship with that person…
And what if that person with whom you feel so connected... do not Reciprocate.... what you will do?...what happens with you?... if it was not meant to be then why yours paths were crossed... why?? And if after sometime that person says "you are becoming too much dependent on me"…what you will say? No or Yes?? It’s a real dilemma What if the answer is Yes from your side… and on top of that u tell that person that u cannot live without that person…
Big Mistake!!!…I have learned that some people don’t like you being dependent on them.. it’ s true really…
Question arises "why we become dependent on others?"… Big question, isn’t it?
We are dependent on other people for meeting some of our needs.
Such as emotional, intellectual, social, financial and physical, these needs reminds me the famous Maslow’s need hierarchy, where he talks about basic needs like physiological, safety, love, affection, belongingness …
So we become dependent on others, due to Fear of loneliness or we hold on desperately to others to give our life meaning and direction, self worthlessness, inspiration, confusing ourselves between sympathy and love, support, nurturance, direction, lack of belief in oneself, fear making wrong direction in life…..
Once we become dependent on somebody, we tend to weave our lives according to that person, we do everything that person likes, don't do everything he/she dislikes. we tend to share every moment of life....with that person..
We don't realise that time, that actually we are intruding somebody elses personal life..as it is not two- way affair........but, Do we Stop Expecting From them ? Do we want this relationship unconditional? Do we only give and do not ask anything from them? What we do when they ignore us?
So ur love, affection, care, feelings, prayers, hopes, desires, dreams and every emotion which u show for that person becomes "Overdependance" for him/ her...
It's all About......
It's all about loving somebody unconditionally...
You know we meet many people in your life...with some, you grow each day, you experience their life and their life gets involved with you... and you without any expectations follow their path u don't even think about past-- present-- future ... u be with them as their heartbeat... U r life becomes one with theirs...you don't judge them, never question them, not even force them, u give them .. and don't ask anything in return...u promise them that u will love, care and support them no matter what happens....and one day u r left alone...that time also ... when they go.. u do not stop them.. you say "good bye".....at that time u r eyes are smiling but ur heart is crying... u keep on looking at them till the road vanishes.. and after that u pray for them with whole heart... and u love the without asking for anything... so what people think of you as A fool....But you know that Love is the only rational ACT....
You know we meet many people in your life...with some, you grow each day, you experience their life and their life gets involved with you... and you without any expectations follow their path u don't even think about past-- present-- future ... u be with them as their heartbeat... U r life becomes one with theirs...you don't judge them, never question them, not even force them, u give them .. and don't ask anything in return...u promise them that u will love, care and support them no matter what happens....and one day u r left alone...that time also ... when they go.. u do not stop them.. you say "good bye".....at that time u r eyes are smiling but ur heart is crying... u keep on looking at them till the road vanishes.. and after that u pray for them with whole heart... and u love the without asking for anything... so what people think of you as A fool....But you know that Love is the only rational ACT....
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